3 weeks ago in Boston, I was asked a great question:
What is humility?
It was in the context of Imposter Syndrome in Law and it stumped me for a moment because humility isnât one-dimensional. It means different things to different people, shaped by upbringing, culture, gender norms, and profession.
In last weekâs newsletter I discussed how (and why) you should set yourself up to Win. One of the biggest barriers to people doing this is:
1. Imposter Syndrome
2. The fear of coming across âarrogantâ or âless humbleâ.
This week, weâre unpacking humility, And Iâd love to know what you think. In its authentic form - humility works for us and is a beautiful expression of centeredness and self acceptance. However, it can also work against us if the pendulum swings too far the other way.
The most widely accepted definition of âHumbleâ is:
âHaving or showing a modest or low estimate of oneâs own importance.â
Modesty is ok, but too much in business can be self-sabotaging. Because for many high achievers who experience Imposter Syndrome, this definition doesnât feel empowering. In fact, it can be harmful.
If youâre too humble, you risk becoming self-deprecating. You lose your voice. You risk becoming invisible in the pursuit for success. Because yes, hard work matters but hard work alone isnât enough to do the talking, there comes a time when YOU need to do the talking. In your own authentic way but it canât (and shouldnât) be avoided.
And thatâs where Imposter Syndrome thrives. It feeds off minimising language. It convinces you to downplay success, deflect praise, and avoid visibility not out of humility, but out of fear. Fear of exposure, fear you donât belong (which isnât true of course but feels very real).
But hereâs the truth: You donât need Imposter Syndrome to be humble (and right now thereâs a false narrative circling grouping these two together)
Humility shouldnât stem from holding yourself back from acknowledging your hard work and success. Authentic humility doesnât have its roots in self-devaluation or attributing your talent, intelligence, qualifications, and success to constantly feeling like youâre being exposed as a fraud. You donât need to hold on to Imposter Syndrome to stay humble. In fact, it will keep you in a self-deprecating state that has far broader implications. - Alison Shamir
You can be confident, competent, capable, and accomplished and still grounded, respectful, and values-driven. You can stand in your worth and own your success without sacrificing humility (but not if Imposter Syndrome is in the driver's seat) It will block you from truly grounding yourself in your authentic self. It forces you to wear a âmask and adopt coping behaviours like perfectionism, overworking & ruminating to name a few. You might feel like this âmaskâ and these behaviours are protecting you but theyâre actually sabotaging you and you lose your true self in the process. The way to remove the âmaskâ and stop the self sabotage is not by lying to yourself - by telling yourself you need to keep feeling like an Imposter, fake or fraud on the verge of being âfound outâ in order to remain humble. That is simply not true.
Too often, humility is misunderstood especially when it comes to women. Across cultures, girls and women are taught that being humble is virtuous. That success should be downplayed. That speaking highly of your achievements is arrogant.
I respectfully disagree. Being âtoo humbleâ to the point where it diminishes your self-worth, your voice, or your mental health is not a virtue, itâs a barrier. This is exacerbated by gender bias that still exists - like the way men are allowed to celebrate success loudly yet women are still often punished for doing the exact same thing. Look at how society reacts to womenâs ownership of success differently based on gender. When Muhammad Ali said, âI am the greatest,â the world applauded.
When Simone Biles, the most decorated gymnast in history said the same, many flinched. But she was right. She is the greatest. And it wasnât arrogance, it was fact.
And yes there were decades of time between these two athletes but there are many present day examples I can share too, I think you get the gist. The backlash Simone received from some highlights the double standard that still exists. But despite these double standards existing at times, Simone didnât need to shrink to be seen as worthy or humble. And neither do you.
Confidence and humility can coexist. As can high self worth, celebrating success and demonstrating whatever humble means to you.
You donât have to choose. You donât have to âkeepâ your Imposter feelings.
You donât have to shrink to be liked. Youâre allowed to own your brilliance, celebrate your wins, and define what humility means for you without apology.
In fact, celebrating success is a critical step in overcoming Imposter Syndrome. It builds self-trust. It reinforces internal evidence. And it reminds you that what youâve achieved isnât luck, itâs earned.
So this week, ask yourself:
How have I been taught to define humility?
Where do I default to being âhumbleâ in ways that hold me back?
And what might it feel like to celebrate my success without apology?
Because you can be both humble and powerful. And thatâs not a contradiction, thatâs leadership. Find whatâs authentic to you. What allows you to achieve, own and enjoy your success. You donât have to fit anyone elseâs humility mould. And you certainly don't need to 'keep Imposter feelings' to remain humble.
Do you. Validate you first. And when you can do both, you know youâve conquered Imposter Syndrome.
Because your people want to see you win. You donât have to announce humbleness, youâll simply be demonstrating it in your own way.
Until next week.
Alison
